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by Amy Meyer Allen
If I asked you, “What is most important to you?” What comes to mind first? For many it's family. We know the “right” answer is to put God as our first priority. But do we? In my own life God wasn't first on my list. My security and sense of well being came from my husband. In my eyes, he could do no wrong, I made him my rock. That's when everything came crashing down. My “rock” had a crack pornography. The crack grew to a chasm until a pile of rubble was all that remained. Now what could I rely on? Thankfully, God got my attention through the demise of our marriage. While we were separated, I learned to put all my trust in my true “rock” - the Lord Jesus Christ. It wasn't an easy process. Because I had grown up going to church, was baptized as a baby, and basically a “good” person; I thought I had everything under control. But, God knew what it would take to get me to put Him first. Finally, when my marriage crumbled around me, I was able to see I needed a Savior, and a Lord. I couldn't control my husband's actions. In actuality I had no control over anything. One day when I was alone and separated from my husband, God's grace broke through my devastated heart. I finally surrendered my whole life to the Lord. After God called my husband and me into a true relationship with Himself, He asked us to reconcile our marriage. The process was hard and took years of work (we're still working). The key to our restored marriage is now we each put our hope, dreams, and trust in God alone. We realize our spouse cannot meet all our needs, especially the deepest desires of our heart. Only God can do that. We found solid ground just as described in 2 Samuel 22: 47: “The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock, and exalted be my God, the rock of my salvation.” Over the years I’ve had the privilege of coming alongside women who are hurting as a result of their husband's sexual addiction or infidelity. The advice I give is to concentrate on your own relationship with the Lord and let Him use this time which feels like crushing despair to deepen your faith. Sometimes despair is precisely what God will use to bring you into a real relationship with Him through Jesus. He did with me. Are you struggling in your marriage? Do you want more than anything for your marriage to be healed? That is precisely the problem. To get your priorities straight, God wants you to desire Him more than anything even more than the restoration of your marriage. Here are five steps I learned to make God my first priority: 1. I run to Him first when things go wrong. I cry out to Him not other people and not my husband. No earthly friend can help you the way He can. 2. I make time for Him. I can come up with so many excuses to not spend time with God. Too much work to do, the kids need me, I'd rather sleep in. Yet, He always blesses me when I make an effort to be with Him. 3. I study His Word. I used to say, “I wish God would just tell me what to do. Give me a list of instructions and I'd do it!” He has in His Word. As I study it, I realize He is leading and guiding me. For true transformation to take place,, I need to to apply His word to my life. 4. I stand on His promises. My feelings are fickle and change constantly. God's promises are true, trustworthy and never change. Whether I “feel” like it or not, I take God at His Word. For instance, although I may “feel” alone, when God says “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” I know the truth is He’s right here with me. 5. I ask Him what to do. People give plenty of advice, but only God has the exact right answer. I find it as I pray, study His Word and wait for Him to show me. Do you have your priorities straight? Be honest with yourself. If you have put anything ahead of your relationship with God including the desire for your marriage to be healed then you need to make an effort to get your priorities back in line. “Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:5-8 NLT Father, I pray You are our first priority. Our relationship with You is more important than anything else even the restoration of a broken marriage. Help us to put You first in our lives so all Your goodness can flow from there. In Jesus name, Amen.
4 Comments
12/29/2012 03:03:53 pm
Thanks for this posting Amy. It is certainly timely for me. My new habit for the New Year is to dedicate my first hours of the day to Him, rather than trying to find a way to squeeze Him in somewhere.later. Many blessings to you and your family!!
Jeannine
12/30/2012 11:04:09 pm
Today is the first day I received Godly, Christian advice since 9/11/12. I thank you so much - you made me cry with your testimony, and confirmed I am doing the right thing in forgiving my husband and working on our marriage. My husband told me on 9/11/12 that a woman at work was "in love with him" and wanted him to run away with her and break up our marriage, and told him she sent me a facebook message to tell me about it. About 3 minutes later, I asked if he had intercourse with her, he said no. Then I inquired about oral sex, and he said "yes, one time, last year after our work Christmas party - I was drunk - I'm so sorry!" and began weeping for days and days. They texted from last September until this September. We have been together for 31 years since I was 16 and he was 18. We have been married 22 of those years. I was devastated and shocked because, the one thing I could always "count on" was our commitment to each other. I am a Christian since 1994 and he received Jesus into his heart 10 years later in 2004 when he almost died. We have been close - so I thought. Today, after 3-1/2 months of working through this, trusting God, accepting my husband's repentance shown through his actions (not just tears), I believe, and even from that moment he told me, that we would get through this. I decided to seek christian counseling, of which I have not found anyone yet who could see me around my work hours, nor that I could afford. I have solely sought God through this, and a few sisters who support me supporting my marriage. Today, I woke up wondering if that woman was going to text him again at 12:05 tonight like last year, and it made me cry. That is just one of the many "moments" of pain I have dealt with since this happened. To make matters more difficult, this woman "chased" after me through the computer and phones (my facebook, home phone, my email, my jewelry website, my jewelry twitter account) all of which I had to remove entirely, changing many more facets of my life. My husband smashed his phone after she threatened to expose, so he got a new number and phone, of which we blocked her number on all phones. She begged me to call her through these messages. I chose immediately to ignore her because if she were able to cheat on her husband and to me, knowing about our marriage, then she was untrustworthy in any words she had to say. 1-1/2 months later, she got through my phone on a blocked call unknowing to me until I answered. Then it was like being at a car accident - I couldn't stop looking. She told me she had to make peace with me. She told me my husband never loved her - he always loved me. She told me they did have intercourse last year but it was "quick and meaningless." She told me my husband had issues. She told me he drove her to the neighborhood where we grew up and told her about his dominant mother. She "adivsed" me to move away from his parents to another state to get away from his mother. She said my husband wrote her a poem (which he has done to me since we dated). She claimed she was christian. She told me she told her husband about them and to tell my husband "he would not be after him." I told her I had been praying for her, because the Bible told me to pray for my enemies. She told me this "happened to her" once. I told her she needed to go to God, to leave us alone, we are going to God, and if she ever contacted me again, I will call the police and charge her with stalking. In the beginning for the first few months, my husband told me to ask him anything, talk whenever I needed to him, he would do anything. One day, he took that offer back in October. He broke down saying he could not take my tears, my pain anymore and if I continued to talk EVERY day about things asking the same questions over and over, he would pack up and leave. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep. But I awoke with a new light in my heart. I realized God was showing me things. After months of severe heartbreak, wondering what I did wrong, how I failed to be there for him, going over details in my mind, I realized it wasn't me. I was an excellent wife - giving in every way I could, including sexually - more active than any of my friends. I realized he was insecure and when he met me he was a virgin, and probably was led by her giving him attention and his wondering what "it" would be like. He "claims" he texted her for 9 months after that one night because he thought they were just friends, and didn't know he was "leading her on." Not to "excuse" my husband's sin of betrayal of his commitment to me, but as a human being, he is a very "diplomatic" person, his words are very charming, he has always liked attention of others through their approval (which probably came from neglect of his mother in childhood - still to this day she never says she is proud of him - she always finds something wrong even when he has good news). My husband found someone who was lonely in h
Jeannine
12/30/2012 11:23:16 pm
(I guess I wrote too much! It left a lot off! ha ha). Well, I don't remember all else I wrote, but I need to at least finish with this: My husband found someone who was lonely and gave him attention. He was always insecure over his weight of almost 300 lbs. We have a beautiful sexual intimate relationship that, at first of hearing this, was extrememly difficult. But we have grown more intimate. Our two teenage sons are beautiful and precious and, as far as I know, do not know. If God wants me one day to reveal this to them, I will, but not now. Your testimony and your words have comforted me greatly. It is very difficult to find people in this world who support forgiveness and the marriage, and would rather divorce. I have friends who are angry at me for "tolerating" this and that is something else I have lost - some friends. God is with me, God is my rock - my husband is not my rock. I thought he was, but he's not. We all sin - whether in our mind, our heart, or in physical reality. It is all same to God. With these things in mind, I can forgive my husband more easily. "you without sin - throw the first rock." There is none. Day by day, minute by minute, healing comes. It is making me stronger. I will not fear losing my husband, and cannot "spy" on him the rest of my life. There is no security in any of it. If God wants me to see something, he will reveal it. I have to put my trust in God alone and pray pray pray for my husband and me. I have enabled my husband trying to "be perfect" for him. Even that woman told me on the phone that my husband said he never "felt good enough for me or his kids." My worry and fear of losing my husband all these years, trying to be "perfect" as much as I could has possibly even caused some problems with him in feeling like he wasn't good enough. He is responsible for his actions, but I realize - God revealed - that my doing things out of fear is not good. I CAN fail, I CAN fall short of being a great wife and mother sometimes. I need to lower that bar so that we both can go under it. Thank you for reminding me who my ROCK really is, and I know as long as I put my trust in GOD and not man, it will be okay. Nothing is perfect. There is no perfect marriage. I have expectations of faithfulness, and my husband knows this. I have ensured him I don't know if I could stay with him if this happens again. I will trust God, but I will not give my husband a way of letting the devil deceive him. I am strong today, but he knows I may not be strong the next time. Only God can keep us together. Leave a Reply. |
About AmyI was born in 1970 in Omaha, Nebraska. Although I went to church all my life, I didn't make Jesus Lord of my life until I was 29 years old. My real relationship with Him began when my marriage fell apart. Categories
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